...AKA The Dollar Store.
Ahhh what a mecca of silly junk! That's not to say there aren't some neat and even useful things there (picked up a nice candle-holder for $3.99) but the vast majority of those stores deal in junk. Junk I felt compelled to photograph some of...
First, some weird baby-playing-with-his-wang statues:
(click for full size)
And here's a notepad and pen set, obviously made for the "working girl"... Look! It even says "Hussy" on it!
And here we have two examples of why the Japanese shouldn't write in English without spell/grammar checkers:
(you have to click 'em yourserf for large size to thrill you like do.)
And finally, a weird bobbing-head-dog-air-freshener for your car. And quite possibly the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Not even a Mr-T gold chain could make this thing cool.
And there you go folks, just a taste of some of the crap you'll find at the dollar store! I swear, that place is magic. Okay, maybe it's not magic. But it would take magic to convince your kids that any toy bought there was not crap or worth a better fate than a test-pilot for the uber-neat rocket kit any decent parent would buy their kid. So quit reading this and go to a real store ya cheap bastard!!! .....Unless useless crap is your bag baby, and in that case, this is your wonderland.
Today I was looking for something in my glovebox, and came across a long-forgotten mangled doll head:
I guess this in itself needs some explaining. Ever since my first car broke down in highschool and I was forced to drive a piece of shit Chevrolet Cavalier with the roof rusting out, a distinct smell of mildew eminating from the floor, and a million other reasons to hate this machine, I decided that I was going to make that piece of shit as shitty as I could. So no happy little Jack-In-The-Box or 76 Gas antenna ball would do... No, those were just too cheery for this car. Since I had a Barbie doll head with a nail driven through it for a mirror ornament, I decided to stick with the doll head theme for my antenna as well. I went through several of these little gems, and unfortunately my favorite one got stolen. (it featured a blue mohawk) But the last one my Cavalier proudly donned through my first year of college found its final resting place in my glovebox, to lie dormant and at peace.... until today. I should note that this thing was actually clean when I got my hands on it. Those "dollar stores" are a great place to find cheap baby heads for mutilation, and this particular head had her hair colored black with a Sharpie marker, her eyes and mouth completely blacked out, and the word "CUNT" etched across her forehead. All this has sadly faded away with the exception of her lips and eyes, but c'mon, aint she still a looker!
Well, today I bought one of those hot glue guns and some fake sunflowers with the intention of making a little housewarming gift for my mother in her new house, when I figured I oughtta resurrect the beloved evil doll. So I decided to make myself a little key holder to hang by the door, since I'm always forgetting where I put my keys when I need to leave in a hurry. And look out Martha Fucking Stewart!
